What would claiming your space look like for you? How do you ensure that you reach out into your full range and not just play it safe? How big do you hold yourself and know yourself to be?

Most of us find our groove and stick to it. We stay in the same loop because it is familiar and safe. Because when we first played it that way it served us well. As children we may have felt popular, as adults we may have earned a full wage. For whatever reason the tune we chose resonated and so we stayed and grew comfortable, becoming more and more fearful of change. Of doing things differently, of perhaps being different not just from others but from how we were before.


We now find ourselves stagnating, repeating. The notes we looped together are no longer intriguing but instead tired and boring. Even that which was once fulfilling becomes a drain on our energy. Either our values change or we discover that the dreams we dreamt were in fact empty. Meaningful becomes meaningless.

Life is in constant flux. It ebbs and flows as we pass through space and time. New adventures offer themselves up but often we forget the excitement of the first kiss and so we sit where we are and do more of the same. Again and again.

We’ve all kissed a boy. Or a girl. And we all liked it. We made the choice that very first time. We chose to kiss and be kissed. We said yes rather than no. Things quickly become habitual and we forget that we are always at conscious choice. We all too often do because it’s what we’ve done before. The choice is there we just don’t actively make it.

Life starts happening to us. The passage of time takes over. Human experience becomes linear. But human experience is not linear. We don’t remember, feel or even think in linear patterns. In fact time is not linear, as counterintuitive as this may seem, life and time are much richer than the linear suggests.


We forget to be because that involves some kind of higher consciousness, some kind of awareness of self. And instead of turning up the self we play out loud with the I.

The I is just the outward manifestation of the self. It is not who we really are, it is just a projection for the rest of the world. The I can change without compromising the self. Toning down the I is not compromising the self, and turning the volume of the I up to max is not being yourself authentically.

The I is the impact you have in the world. Be deliberate and intentional with how you play the I out. Be on purpose purposefully.

When we confuse I and self we either over perform or underplay our parts. We lose authenticity and in our own ways we allow the ego to control our destiny. Some of us become too loud and others too quiet.

For some loud voices are white noise and for others silence is not always golden.


Each of us has our default.

We all have a preference for big or small. I know I certainly do. It is often the place we feel most hidden, the place from which we feel less vulnerable. I challenge you to start playing from the different place. And when you notice yourself falling back into your old habit, push yourself to do it differently. Open your heart up to yourself. Trust yourself.

We all know where we are most comfortable and so let’s make ourselves uncomfortable for the sake of our own personal growth, fulfillment and happiness. For the sake of being intentionally impactful in life.

The richest place of learning and growth is that of discomfort.

The victor always takes the spoils, and it is by breaking our habitual ways of being that we are reminded of the joys of kissing, the excitement of being tickled and ultimately avoid the tedium of being bored.


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If anything in my blog has resonated with you I would love to hear about it. Tell your story or share your insights in the comments box below.


I coach people who struggle with anxiety, who yearn to live a fulfilling life but feel trapped or at a crossroads so that they can experience a calmer more purposeful life. If this sounds like you, get in touch.